It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
