Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
