Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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