He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
