her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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