I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
