i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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