The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
