Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
