Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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