Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
