I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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