Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
