Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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