Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
