My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
