Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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