Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize