Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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