how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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