Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
