Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its liver damage thursday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
