I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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