There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When are your genitals available?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
