I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize