just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
