I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
