Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
