is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
