I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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