Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
