fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
