I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize