Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
