Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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