do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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