i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
