if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
