YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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