you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
