Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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