I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
