I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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