That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
