Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
