it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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