Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
