maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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