i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
