ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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