M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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