So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
