i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
