About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
