Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
