My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
