You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
