By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
