i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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