He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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