i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
