Acid is not a monday night drug
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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